Preface: P goes to the daycare on World's Busiest Airbase, and anyone who knows anything about the military knows that people come and go, pretty much on a regular basis. The staff at the daycare are basically military wives, which means the staff is constantly changing. Within the last 2 weeks, there have been 2 new caregivers (no transition period), and the Head Caregiver in Charge has been in her room for about 2 months. When a new caregiver is in her room, I tell them up front that they need to 'lay down the law' with P, or she will attempt to walk over them. P has been at this daycare since she was 10 weeks old (she's been there longer than ANY of the staff~except for the maintenance guy).
On to the story...
P is in a room with 3-5 year old kids (about 13 kids). This morning when I dropped her off, New Caregiver #1 was there, and told me about something P did yesterday. This afternoon, New Caregiver #2 was there, and told me P did something today, but wasn't quite sure what it was, but was told to tell me she did 'something'. I asked the New Assistant Director what went on today, and she told me that P was having an altercation with one of the NCs (I think they play with her too much), so she went in, and sat with her and talked with her and she was fine. NAD said HCiC (who works during the day and I never see her) wanted to call me while P was in the midst of having her meltdown, but they wouldn't let her.
I asked P what happened, she said she hit NC#1, AND almost kicked her...on purpose! All because she was crying after I left because she didn't want me to leave, and didn't want what NC#1 tried to give her to distract her.
We were to dye eggs for Easter this evening, but because of her altercation, I told P that we were not doing it, AND no TV, AND no computer, AND after her bath and dinner, it's straight to bed for her. She kicked her shoes off, screamed, cried, and snotted the entire 15 minute ride home. I just turned up the Kanye West cd.
I am SO not a disciplinarian that while I was talking to her about what happened today, I cried, BECAUSE I had to talk to her about it. I should add that P has gotten only 3 real spankings that I can remember (she gets that many from her dad in about 2 weeks, and she's only with him 4 days during that time). Basically, P is a good girl, but when you don't 'lay down the law', she WILL test you and if you fail the test, she will walk over you. NC#1 failed the test today.
Why no spanking, you ask?? Because growing up with my ex-step mother, this is what I basically remember of her being my step mother for 20 1/2 years: spankings turn into beating, which lead to resentment, which lead to hatred, which leads me to not seeing her since 1994, and not talking to her since 1995. Toss in a few 'Your mother wasn't sh*t, she didn't want you, and neither do I, and even after ALL those years, not ONE 'I love you', and you have the whole package. If I saw her today, I would have NO idea what to say to her...AT.ALL. (You don't know how hard it was to type that!)
So, that's why I really don't spank P.
After she finished eating dinner, I gave in a little, and let her lay on the couch for a while, where she fell asleep.
Maybe I need 'Discipline for Dummies'...or maybe I'm picking the wrong battles...
Personally, I took the route of private daycares, so my children had more one-on-one with the daycare provider.